There are few things in life that one can be good at and not enjoy. Sending text messages is one of those things for me. I fucking hate it more than anything, but I am a pro. I know the right thing to say, when to say it, and how to get it done in 150 characters or less. Aside from knowing what to say, I am fully aware of the real meaning and questions behind text messages we get each and everyday that seem like simple hello’s or or polite curiosity. These questions are penetrating and deep… and they can be a simply stated as… “Hey.”
Buckle up as Serg teaches you the meaning of what is on your phone everyday.
Hi - This might be the only text you’ll ever get that means exactly what it says. “Hi, just wanted you to know I am ready to start talking to you.” Please note: If the response to your “Hi” is a “Hello” that person is not happy with you. They might as well be saying, “What the fuck do you want?”
Hey - is usually never good unless it has an exclamation after it like… “Hey!” If it does, it means, “I have something good to tell you.” If it doesn’t it could mean the following:
“Why aren’t you texting me?”
“We need to talk”
“I am not happy”
“Hey” = Not good.
What are you doing? - Now, if you get a “What are you up too?” All is good. The person is just curious. But “what are you doing” means a bunch of bad things:
“Who are you with right now?”
“Are you fucking someone?”
“Why wasn’t I invited?”
“Why do you always do cool shit when I am busy?”
Please say nothing. To me, “what are you doing” means I want to do something with you and I want to see if you’re already busy.” Maybe it’s just me.
This phrase is an interrogation and sure sign of insecurity. The bottom line is that when someone is asking, they are unsure of your location and only imagine the worst things possible. That is of course unless a girl gets this message from a guy after midnight. Then it usually means, “Hey wanna fuck?” and he sent it to about 6-10 girls.
Have a nice day - This means please stop sending me text messages, the conversation is over. They might as well be saying, “Don’t ask me anymore fucking questions or send me question marks when I don’t respond, but they are doing it lightly. So take heed and shut the fuck up. Also any time someone answers a question without asking one back, same thing. When someone answers a question, then fires one back… You are in like flynn.
Whats up? - (30 seconds after you call someone and they don’t answer): This means, I don’t think you are worthy of a phone conversation at this moment.
Good Morning - You are the first thing I thought of this morning and if we don’t work out, I am going to slit my wrists. If there is no reply to this message, the person will naturally assume you didn’t answer because you are having morning sex with someone else.
I didn’t get your message - I am ignoring you.
Who is all there? - Are you there with a guy/girl? Is there anyone else there i can talk to besides you? is there anyone there that i should be avoiding/trying to see besides you? Basically, is this worth my time to even go to?
Whatever - Go fuck yourself or What the fuck ever
A self photo - Tell me I look good
A boob shot - I will fuck you
A dick shot - I have no idea how fucking gay I am
143 - I loved my beeper and I am an idiot.
hey cunt you doing anything? - i dont think that text has any hidden meaning to it
Right - means “why the fuck are you telling me things i already know?”
K - means “OK great. And I will have the last word here for entirely no good reason.”
Yep - means “YEP.” As in “YEP, I sure as shit am mad at you still” or “YEP you sure as hell made an ass out of yourself last night.”
??? - means “Are you fucking SERIOUSLY not answering me right now?!” It can also go on to imply “Who are you with that you cant send an EFFING TEXT?!”
Come here - means “Get your ass to whatever bar I’m at so we can make out in front of everyone just long enough to piss off our friends then stumble home for sloppy can-we-even-call-this-sex, sex.”
Thank you (no exclamation mark) - means “Thank you. Now stop talking to me.”
Thank you! - means “Thank you! Really this time!”
Once a guy said to me, “I wish you could talk into your phone and it would create the message you want to send.”
I said, “They have. It’s called a fucking phone call.”
You could spend 3 hours texting someone and cover what a phone call could in 4 minutes. I liked to text once but it’s getting pretty fucking stupid.
ha! I relate to all of this. In each case I have had this done or done this to someone...
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